April 12, 1998.

Bismillah Arahman Araheem

My intention in writing my story is that for Allah's sake, I may help
someone who is searching for the Truth, to realize that they have
found it in Al Islam. I began writing this on Easter Sunday, kind of
appropriate, I think. I have been Muslim now for seven years, Alhamdu
Lillah (all praise is for Allah, [God]). I first learned of Islam
while attending University, from a Muslim friend of mine. I had
managed to get out of a very good, college-prep high school believing
that the Qur'an was a Jewish book, and that Muslims were idol
worshipping pagans. I was not interested in learning about a new
religion. I held the ethnocentric view that if since the US was "#1",
we must have the best of everything, including religion. I knew that
Christianity wasn't perfect, but believed that it was the best that
there was. I had long held the opinion that although the Bible
contained the word of God, it also contained the word of the common
man, who wrote it down. As Allah would have it, every time I had
picked up the Bible in my life, I had come across some really strange
and actually dirty passages. I could not understand why the Prophets
of God would do such abominable things when there are plenty of
average people who live their whole lives without thinking of doing
such disgusting and immoral things, such as those attributed to
Prophets David, Solomon, and Lot, (peace be upon them all) just to
name a few. I remember hearing in Church that since these Prophets
commit such sins, how could the common people be any better than them?
And so, it was said, Jesus had to be sacrificed for our sins, because
we just couldn't help ourselves, as the "flesh is weak".

So, I wrestled with the notion of the trinity, trying to understand
how my God was not one, but three. One who created the earth, one
whose blood was spilled for our sins, and then there was the question
of the Holy Ghost, yet all one and the same!? When I would pray to
God, I had a certain image in my mind of a wise old man in flowing
robe, up in the clouds. When I would pray to Jesus, I pictured a young
white man with long golden hair, beard and blue eyes. As for the Holy
Spirit, well, I could only conjure up a misty creature whose purpose I
wasn't sure of. It really didn't feel as though I was praying to one
God. I found though that when I was really in a tight spot, I would
automatically call directly on God. I knew inherently, that going
straight to God, was the best bet.

When I began to research and study Islam, I didn't have a problem with
praying to God directly, it seemed the natural thing to do. However, I
feared forsaking Jesus, and spent a lot of time contemplating the
subject. I began to study the Christian history, searching for the
truth. The more I looked into it, the more I saw the parallel between
the deification and sacrifice of Jesus, and the stories of Greek
mythology that I had learned in junior high, where a god and a human
woman would produce a child which would be a demigod, possessing some
attributes of a god. I learned of how important it had been to "St.
Paul", to have this religion accepted by the Greeks to whom he
preached, and how some of the disciples had disagreed with his
methods. It seemed very probable that this could have been a more
appealing form of worship to the Greeks than the strict monotheism of
the Old Testament. And only Allah knows.

I began to have certain difficulties with Christian thought while
still in high school. Two things bothered me very much. The first was
the direct contradiction between material in the Old and New
Testaments. I had always thought of the Ten Commandments as very
straight forward, simple rules that God obviously wanted us to follow.
Yet, worshipping Christ, was breaking the first commandment completely
and totally, by associating a partner with God. I could not understand
why an omniscient God would change His mind, so to speak. Then there
is the question of repentance. In the Old Testament, people are told
to repent for their sins; but in the New Testament, it is no longer
necessary, as Christ was sacrificed for the sins of the people. "Paul
did not call upon his hearers to repent of particular sins, but rather
announced God's victory over all sin in the cross of Christ. The
radical nature of God's power is affirmed in Paul's insistence that in
the death of Christ God has rectified the ungodly (see Romans 4:5).
Human beings are not called upon to do good works in order that God
may rectify them." So what incentive did we even have to be good, when
being bad could be a lot of fun? Society has answered by redefining
good and bad. Any childcare expert will tell you that children must
learn that their actions have consequences, and they encourage parents
to allow them to experience the natural consequences of their actions.
Yet in Christianity, there are no consequences, so people have begun
to act like spoiled children. Demanding the right to do as they
please, demanding God's and peoples' unconditional love and acceptance
of even vile behavior. It is no wonder that our prisons are over-
flowing, and that parents are at a loss to control their children.
That is not to say that in Islam we believe that we get to heaven
based on our deeds, on the contrary, the Prophet Muhammad (peace be
upon him) told us that we will only enter paradise through God's
Mercy, as evidenced in the following hadith.

Narrated 'Aisha:

The Prophet said, "Do good deeds properly, sincerely and moderately,
and receive good news because one's good deeds will not make him enter
Paradise." They asked, "Even you, O Allah's Apostle?" He said, "Even
I, unless and until Allah bestows His pardon and Mercy on me."

So in actuality, I did not even know who God was. If Jesus was not a
separate god, but really part of God, then who was he sacrificed to?
And who was he praying to in the Garden of Gethsemane? If he was
separate in nature from God, then you have left the realm of
monotheism, which is also in direct contradiction to the teachings of
the Old Testament. It was so confusing, that I preferred not to think
of it, and had begun to thoroughly resent the fact that I could not
understand my own religion. That point was brought home when I began
to discuss religion with my future husband at college. He asked me to
explain the Trinity to him. After several failed attempts at getting
him to understand it, I threw my hands up in frustration, and claimed
that I couldn't explain it well because, "I am not a scholar!" To
which he calmly replied, "Do you have to be a scholar to understand
the basis of your religion?" Ouch!, that really hurt; but the truth
hurts sometimes. By that point, I had tired of the mental acrobatics
required to contemplate who I was actually worshipping. I grudgingly
listened while he told me of the Oneness of God, and that He had not
changed his mind, but completed his message to mankind through the
Prophet Muhammad, Allah's peace and blessings be upon him. I had to
admit, it made sense. God had sent prophets in succession to mankind
for centuries, because they obviously kept going astray, and needed
guidance. Even at that point, I told him that he could tell me about
his religion, just for my general information. "But don't try to
convert me", I told him, "because you'll never do it!" "No", he said,
"I just want you to understand where I'm coming from and it is my duty
as a Muslim to tell you." And of course, he didn't convert me; but
rather, Allah guided me to His Truth. Alhamdu Lillah.

At about the same time, a friend of mine gave me a "translation" of
the Qur'an in English that she found at a book store. She had no way
of knowing that this book was actually written by an Iraqi Jew for the
purpose of driving people away from Islam, not for helping them to
understand it. It was very confusing. I circled and marked all the
passages that I wanted to ask my Muslim friend about and when he
returned from his trip abroad, I accosted him with my questions, book
in hand. He could not tell from the translation that it was supposed
to be the Qur'an, and patiently informed me of the true meaning of the
verses and the conditions under which they were revealed. He found a
good translation of the meaning of the Qur'an for me to read, which I
did. I still remember sitting alone, reading it, looking for errors,
and questioning. The more I read, the more I became convinced that
this book could only have one source, God. I was reading about God's
mercy and His willingness to forgive any sin, except the sin of
associating partners with Him; and I began to weep. I cried from the
depth of my soul. I cried for my past ignorance and in joy of finally
finding the truth. I knew that I was forever changed. I was amazed at
the scientific knowledge in the Qur'an, which is not taken from the
Bible as some would have you believe. I was getting my degree in
microbiology at that time, and was particularly impressed with the
de******ion of the embryological process, and so much more. Once I was
sure that this book was truly from God, I decided that I had to accept
Islam as my religion. I knew it wouldn't be easy, but nothing
worthwhile ever is.

I learned that the first and most important step of becoming Muslim is
to believe in "La illaha il Allah, wa Muhammad arasool Allah", meaning
that there is no god worthy of worship except Allah, and that Muhammad
is the messenger of Allah. After I understood that Jesus was sent as a
prophet, to show the Jews that they were going astray, and bring them
back to the path of God, I had no trouble with the concept of
worshipping God alone. But I did not know who Muhammad was, and didn't
understand what it really meant to follow him. May Allah bless all
those people who have helped me to understand and appreciate the life
of the Prophet Muhammad, (peace be upon him), throughout these last
seven years. I learned that Allah sent him as an example ...

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Dave "there's Koran slash fanfic, right?" DeLaney
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Capt. Gym Z. Quirk     (Known to some as Taki Kogoma)     quirk @ swcp.com
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Salaams sister.

Alhamdolilah the Almighty(swt) has guided you to islaam.  May He(swt)
always keep us on the road of truth, honesty and everything that is
pure and good inshallah ameen.

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